Health and Safety


I wouldn't say that I excel at staying in good health or that I am even vaguely safe. I can virtually guarantee that if an illness is going round I will catch it, and then complain loudly about it for as long as any possible sign of symptoms persist. Perry blames my poor immune system on my diet of butter, cream and salt, my lack of exercise and my constant reliance on paracetamol...but what does she know. As for my safety record, I wouldn’t say I get into ‘danger’ myself, I just have a tendency to endanger others. Callum has been on the receiving end of a ball of ice to the face, I have ‘accidentally’ knocked him into a nettle bush, and inadvertently withheld medical aid from him when he fell off his bike on a main road, chipped a tooth and was bleeding everywhere. Lorcan has had me knock a ladder onto his head, rip off a (dead) fingernail and put a pin in his arm. I am going to stop there, as you get the point, and this is beginning to just sound like a list of abuse, so all I shall say is that, for the record, all of those things were accidents. Except possibly the nettle bush.

Luckily, yesterday we had a food safety presentation so I am now a changed man. Well, not quite, but I must admit that the talk was pretty interesting. We learned all the necessary stuff about holding temperatures for buffet food etc, but more notably, the guy running it was often brought in as an expert witness in court cases involving food poisoning and has worked on undercover programs for bbc and channel 4 on poor hygiene in restaurants, so he was able to fill the day with amusing anecdotes about faecal matter in NHS patient meals. Ok, so maybe not funny, but very engaging.

The course took up all day Tuesday, so we had had a full day in the kitchens on Monday where we baked our cakes from last week, (ideas for decoration are stuttering along, I am practising my extension work in the evenings, because I’m just that cool) and made some of the demo dishes from last week such as the escalope of pork with orange. All was going swimmingly until I turned around to find Lucy pouring her painstakingly seasoned sauce over my pork dish. Hardly a tragedy in the real world perhaps, but at cookery school, it could be enough to cause breakdowns if it were closer to exams.

the photo of my version of the dish has disappeared, so I should point out that this was how it was supposed to look....

In the afternoon we made latticed apple flans. From now on, all pies I make shall be latticed whether it is appropriate or not. Meat pies, fish pies, mince pies. All shall be latticed. We finished off the day making some raspberry jam, which upon arriving home was quickly turned into....a latticed raspberry pie surprisingly enough, the remnants of which I am off to find now.